Almost Roadkill
by rosevioletsmile123
Summary: Bella/Tyler's van


**Almost Roadkill**

**Summary: Bella/Tyler's van**

**Warning: This fic is not for extreme Twilight fans, but it is not meant to be taken seriously in any way, shape, or form. It is not supposed to be an example of good writing, or even adequate prose. **

From the moment it had spotted Bella Swan, the van knew she was incredibly special. She was gorgeous, with long brown hair, deep chocolate eyes, and pale skin – even paler than those Cullens (who were also incredibly beautiful and pale). She had a nice body, too. The van itched to get closer to her, too touch her…. But alas, it could not.

The van had first heard of Bella from Tyler. Tyler was a lonely soul (his van pitied him) who occasionally talked to himself when he thought no one was around. But of course, his van was always listening. "The new girl, _Bella_, she's beautiful," Tyler sighed, saying Bella's name as though the new girl was an angel. The van was intrigued. "Bet I don't have a chance with her. She's pretty and well, gorgeous. I walked past her in the halls, and she has this perfume…. I bet Mike's already asked her out, though. _Bastard_. Can't he just stick to Jessica? I mean Jessica's nice and all – she's now Bella's new best friend, apparently – but she's not _Bella_. Maybe I'll get the chance to ask her out one day…"

Tyler put the key in the ignition and the van roared to life in agreement with his statement. According to Tyler, the girl sounded wonderful (even though it wasn't so sure what was so great about her besides her looks and her scent). But the thought of such a girl sitting in its upholstery mad the van hum in contentment as its wheels rolled over the smooth asphalt.

The first time it had seen Bella Swan in person, it almost lost a little of its breaking fluid just looking at the teen. The van knew it must be the girl from Tyler's description because for one, she was with Jessica and Mike and the way Mike was looking at Bella almost made the van rev up in anger before it remembered that it was not a sentient being and could do no such thing. Also, this girl was more beautiful than any other girl it had seen walking by. Despite the fact that many of the girls it had seen had brown hair and eyes, the girl walked with a certain clumsiness and awkwardness that made her obscenely attractive.

To Tyler's van's _chagrin_, the beautiful Bella Swan got into an orange van that was in no way worthy of her magnificence. The machine was run-down and looked so used that the thing should have been sent to a junk yard. As Bella presumably inserted the key, the old truck spluttered to life, coughing up horrible bouts of exhaust – why, Bella could get lung cancer!

When Tyler entered the van and put his key in the ignition, he wondered momentarily why he was having such trouble starting the machine up.

The best day of the van's inanimate life came the following day. When walking to her horrible truck, due to a terrible parking job Bella had to squeeze between Tyler's van and another car. Whether it was accidental or on purpose, the van didn't care. It relished the heat of her gorgeous, lush, warm body against its cold, metal exterior. For a moment, a brief moment, Tyler's van felt _alive_. It felt like more than just the van of some high-school loser and all it wanted was for Bella to come inside and…

The moment was over. Bella had left to make her way across the parking lot to her sub-par truck. Tyler's van wondered why such a girl would choose a _truck_ when she could have a _van_.

Tyler's van would never forget the fateful day it had almost made contact. Tyler had lost concentration and all the van acknowledged was _her_, the beautiful Bella, its _Swan_. The sky was overcast and it was about to rain (as is the case practically every other day, no matter what research proved) and the van felt the pressure on its steering wheel vanish and all of a sudden, no one was in control (what do you expect a van to do?).

By some marvelous stroke of luck, she was there, her perfectly plum pink lips opened wide in shock as the van became increasingly closer to its beloved. She did not move, which was either a sign of shock or a desire to finally meat head on. Either way, the van's anticipation grew as it spun out of control in the parking lot, its wheels gracing the asphalt. Soon, those wheels would be able to feel his beloved Bella and….

A sharp pain in its side and the van was forced to a halt. Edward Cullen, marble-sculpted Adonis that he was, had stopped the van with his mere hands. And Bella – its beautiful Bella – stood in awe of the Cullen. The van had never felt such anger – she should be in awe of it, not some prettyboy Cullen! But its side was bruised (dented in – Tyler complained that paying for the repairs was a bitch) and the Cullen had claimed the beautiful Bella for hisown, so the van became still.

Tyler's van still watched Bella from the parking lot each day. It had a feeling she might find it creepy (who would like being stalked, it wondered), but since no one could possibly know, it was safe. At least Tyler had not been expelled, so the van could continue to see its beloved beautiful Bella and hope.

Bella Swan walked over to Cullen's shiny silver Volvo (at least she occasionally upgraded). But every day, the van wished for Bella to brush up against it once more so it could feel so privileged as to be acknowledged by this beautiful girl, who was clearly the most perfect human being in existence (the van even privately thought that she was more perfectly perfect than the Cullens).

**AN: I apologize on the behalf of all that is good and kind in the universe.**


End file.
